dc sargeant officer tubbz

sir we've been having a few problems with officer tubbz. we had three vital assignments this week and him with his fat belly managed to fuck us over on every darn one. first of all we had that stake-out at the steak house and he ate every one of the steaks that were meant for evidence. then a week later we had to investigate that stolen donut and it turns out that surprise surprise fatty had scarfed it. and then finally and this is when we started to realise that he mighty be a little too hot and flabby to handle we ended up having a feud over whose turn it was to vomit and he ate my doggarn gun. that's right he grabbed it out of my holster and shot himself from his mouth down to his stomach and digested the bullet instantly before seconds later farting it out at an even higher velocity towards my chest in a simian stance with butt held high. fortunately i was wearing my lucky bible sweater and the bullet bounced off of the part in the first chapter where jesus. sir are you getting all of this sir? he's a nice guy and i like him but he can also be quite the cacky chub chub this tubster the tub officer tubbz who ruins every last little bit of work we try and achieve around this place. i could piss all over him